The story
Until he was a teenager, he attended private school. Yes, his parents paid a lot for it. Yes, it was so much fun for him. And yes, now that he is older, he is eternally grateful. BUT. When he was in private school, all he wished for was to be a “normal” kid. You know; being able to go home every night. Being able to play football at the park with his friends. Being able to sleep in his own bed.
Then things changed for him. He moved house and ended up at “normal” school. The little young guy could not wait to see what things were going to be like. But of course, making new friends was going to be tough. He was successful, but one could say that he perhaps “chose the wrong crowd”. He ended up spending 90% of his prime teenage years sitting behind a screen with a controller, shouting at a game. You should never dwell on the past, and it has made him into the person he is today, but oh how he wishes that he wouldn’t have done that.
And now he has moved country for university. And now he wants to choose the right friends. So what does he do? He follows these 3 tips:
1. What do you want in a friend?
Firstly, it is vital to know what you want in your friends. A good way to do this could be to write this question down in the middle of a blank piece of paper and just brainstorm ideas. Friends are there to help you when you’re down but also to praise you when you’re up. You need to be choosing friends that are on similar paths to you. Else, you fail at step 1.
For example, imagine that you are planning on working incredibly hard at high school to get into a top prestigious university. On the first day of high school you choose a few friends just based on who you think is the “coolest”. You spend your high school years trying to be the cool one. Smoking, drinking and ending up throwing away any chance you had of getting into that university you wanted.
Another important thing to note is to really think about how you feel when you are both around them but also after you have spent time with them. A true, great friend would do the opposite of sapping life out of you. He/she should be giving you life and making you feel good about yourself.
2. Where can you find these friends?
Once you have decided the type of friends you want in your life, your next step is to actually find these people. It is actually a lot easier than you may think, and it plays into your hands.
The way to do it is to just go to places that align with your goals. Let’s take some examples.
Say one of your goals is to get fit. Therefore, you find yourself in the gym a hell of a lot. There will be people that are roughly your age that are going to the gym often and at similar times to you. The “hard” part is going up to them and saying hello. (It’s much easier with the same sex).
Is one of your goals to study more and pass exams with higher grades? There will definitely be a few people who are cleverer than you and know how to study better. Go to class. Befriend these people. See your results soar.
You could also get “lucky” and find a friend that aligns with more than one of your goals. This is even better.
3. Cutting off the bad ones.
More often than not, you will never go 10/10. I’ll explain what I mean. At the start, maybe you think that you have found a wonderful friend. But then a few weeks/months in, he/she starts to get on your nerves a bit, and starts to do things that you don’t like to connect yourself to.
You don’t have to agree with every little thing your friend says. But the main values and thoughts should be the same. That way, you can bond over things.
Also, be careful to look out for “fake friends”. These types of friends are arguably the worst. They act as if they are the real deal, only for small little parts of them keep showing up. It is difficult to notice these, and it is a skill. One good way to truly see someone’s inner self, is to tell them about a recent achievement that you’ve had. If they are actually truly happy for you, then that is a good sign. If they are somewhat jealous, or play down your achievement, cut them off.
Cutting them off can be, to an extent, rather difficult. One of the best ways to deal with this, is to just gradually stay in contact with them a bit less, and the friendship should fizzle out to a place where you can “control” it.
Conclusion
Choosing your friends can be an extremely difficult task. But it is a task that is worth spending time on. Remember, you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
Hope this helps 😉
