Dearest reader,
I’m in desperate need of advice from someone who doesn’t know me, nor my boyfriend. I’ve been with him for two years now and it’s been a rollercoaster. Some days, I look at him and feel certain he’s my person. We laugh until we can’t breathe, he knows every little thing about me, and when things are good, they’re really good. But other days, it feels like there’s nothing left. Like I’m sitting across from someone I don’t even know, wondering how we got here. It’s confusing because the highs feel so high, but the lows make me question everything.
Last month, we went to a friend’s birthday party. Everyone was having fun, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t want to be there — not because of the party, but because of him. He made a joke at my expense in front of everyone, something small but embarrassing, and instead of laughing, I felt myself shut down completely. On the way home, he acted like nothing happened, and I caught myself thinking, ‘Do I even like him anymore?’ That night, I lay awake for hours, wondering if I was just being sensitive or if I was finally seeing the cracks I’d been ignoring. Is it normal to feel so unsure about the person you’re supposed to love?
Our Advice
If you have ever felt like you are stuck on an emotional rollercoaster in your relationship, you are not alone. Some days, everything feels right. You laugh together, you plan your future, and for a moment it feels like nothing could ever go wrong. But then there are days when you look at them and wonder how you ended up feeling so empty. That shift is not random. It is your gut trying to get your attention.
We often convince ourselves to ignore it. We tell ourselves that every relationship has ups and downs, that no couple is perfect. We cling to the good moments like they are proof we should stay. We replay the best memories and think, if it felt that good once, maybe it can feel like that again. But when doubt becomes louder than love, when you start feeling more drained than safe, it is time to stop and listen.
I have been there too. I remember being in a relationship where, on paper, everything seemed fine. We had fun together, we talked about future plans, we knew each other’s favourite songs. But I also remember how, after a simple disagreement, I would lie awake wondering why I felt so small and unseen. It was not because of one big fight. It was the slow realisation that I spent more time questioning myself than feeling secure.
One of the hardest things is knowing the difference between a rough patch and a sign to let go. A rough patch can be worked through together. But if you are the only one doing the work, carrying all the weight, that is no longer a patch — it is a pattern.
Try asking yourself these three questions. If nothing changes, will I still want to be here in six months? Am I growing in this relationship, or am I shrinking just to keep it going? Am I staying because I love them, or because I am scared of what comes next? And if you cannot answer right away, pay attention to how you feel after spending time with them. Do you feel lighter or heavier? Do you feel supported, or do you leave conversations second-guessing yourself? Think about the little moments too. Are you excited when you see their name pop up on your phone, or do you feel tense? When you talk about your future, do you imagine it together because you genuinely want that, or because it feels safer than starting over?
It is scary to leave. Nobody wants to start over. You might feel guilty, selfish, or worried about hurting them. But sometimes, staying hurts more than walking away. A healthy relationship should make you feel safe and seen, not drained and confused. It should bring you peace, not make you question your worth.
If you are fumbling right now, wondering whether to stay or go, this is your sign. You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to leave, even if nothing terrible happened, even if the love is still there but no longer enough. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is let go.
